How to Help Yourself and Everyone Else at the Same Time

Would you subscribe to the point of view that there are problems in the world?

For that matter, would you agree that there are problems much closer to home, such as your job, your friends, and even your own household?

Most people would answer “yes” to both of those questions, and most people would also back up that answer by pointing out that a whole pile of other people are either the cause of those problems, or that they keep the “problem engine” running by not cleaning up the way that they handle any given set of circumstances.

You will get no argument from me that there are plenty of problems that need to be solved, and I’ll even put my own “stuff” out there by saying that there are plenty of things in my own circle of influence that I would like to see happen differently than they do.

However, what if everything that happens around you is actually your fault? Which, by the way, is another point of view that I subscribe to, at least on a “local” level, if not worldwide.

Awhile ago I put up a post about the self improvement system known as Ho’oponopono. Although Ho’oponopono is based on healing imbalances with others, it is actually a system that is completely internal, and practitioners of that art claim to be able to solve issues with other people without even meeting or talking to them.

There is some very convincing evidence that we have the ability to influence others by working on our own inner-thoughts, and I will recommend that you grab a copy of Zero Limits by Joe Vitale as soon as it is released, and I will also refer you to this excellent post by Steve Pavlina where he gives some examples of how this concept has benefited his life.

For my part, I want to take it one step further, however, and explain a vicious circle that you can find yourself in that will keep replicating itself over and over until you find a way to break out of it.

In a nutshell, Ho’oponopono and similar beliefs state that our surroundings are powered by our own inner beliefs and perceptions of the way that we think things are, or should be.

To keep it “local”, I will stick with the example of your spouse or your significant other.

If you expect that your spouse is going to get mad at you because you spent too much money, or you stayed out too late with your friends, or because you shirked your responsibilities around the house, there is a very real chance that is exactly what you will get because you expect it.

However, the real truth of the matter is that the anger or disappointment that you expect to see in someone else’s eyes is merely a reflection of what you are already feeling.

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize that you won’t feel 100% happy with yourself if you allow yourself to succumb to a desire that you know for a fact is not in your best interest, or in the best interest of the people that you care about.

So, whenever it comes time to “face the music” with the person that you believe is going to be angry with you or disappointed, most of the time you will find that anger and disappointment waiting right there for you, just as you expected.

Then, to make matters worse, as you have already beaten yourself up (usually without even knowing it) because you know that you did something that wasn’t up to your own personal standards, your spouse or significant other reacts to you in a negative manner about what you did.

Does the term “rubbing salt in an open wound” mean anything to you at this point? Not only have you done something that you consider to be wrong, but then you have to face it out in the open, usually with people that you care about and whose opinions you respect.

It’s like stubbing your toe, and then falling over in pain only to hit your head on the wall on the way down!

Also, this concept is certainly not limited to when you have done something that you consider to be wrong. The same thing applies whenever you see things in other people that do not please you.

When you expect your children to not make enough of an effort in school, you are actually coming face to face with the fact that on some level you feel that your own education is not up to par.

When you expect your co-workers to find the most effective way to cause your job to be more difficult, you are actually choreographing their performance due to the fact that you feel your own work ethic is not high enough, or that you are unhappy about your career status.

When you expect your neighbors to be loud and obnoxious, what you are really coming face to face with is the fact that you have not achieved the level of success that will allow you to live in a big house on a private lot, or that you have self-limiting beliefs about money.

Fortunately, for every instance that you find your negative expectations of others to be 100% fulfilled, you are actually being given a wonderful opportunity. You can help them to be the kind of people that you want to be around, and help yourself at the same time.

All you have to do is start managing your expectations of yourself as well as the people around you in order to keep those expectations at a happier or more harmonious level.

It all starts with you being honest with yourself, and working on your inner beliefs.

The next time someone does something that you find displeasing, simply ask yourself why you find it displeasing. Dig deep and find the true answer, not the answer that you think is appropriate.

As is often the case with self-limiting beliefs, your reaction to the circumstances of your life can be colored by the self-limiting belief, simply because that is what you are used to.

However, by simply coming to terms with your own “inner demons” you will then start to project happiness, confidence, and prosperity to all who are in your immediate vicinity, not to mention the positive vibrations that you will be sending out into the universe as a whole.

So, the next time you get upset with someone, find out why you are actually upset with yourself. You will then have found the path to your own resolution, which will spill over onto every circumstance that is affected by your new level of understanding.

Think about how great it is to have control over every single moment of your life - even the circumstances that right now might seem hopeless!